My own best friend, My own worst enemy
General James Mattis famously said that the world has “No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy” than a U.S. Marine. I believe that to be a profound thought and one that I integrate into my own life. While it may seem on the surface to be contradictory, I assure you, it is not.
I have often said that I am my own worst enemy. Usually, I mean that in a negative way, and I’m referring to something that I screwed up for myself. As I’ve given this some thought over the past couple of days, I’ve realized that sometimes being my own worst enemy is good for me.
We hear a lot about self-care and being good to ourselves, but rarely think about the consequences of the “treat yourself” mentality. It’s one thing to eat right, get enough sleep and exercise as part of self-care. It’s quite another thing to spoil ourselves. After all, it’s struggle that builds resilience and catalyzes growth. If a parent gives their child everything they want with no restrictions, we say that child is spoiled. They haven’t developed character, patience, resilience, or self-discipline. When the parent tells the child no, they may be met with “You’re being mean!” but we know better. We know the parent is actually being good to the child by setting limits.
I once heard someone suggest that we treat ourselves as we would a friend. I took this advice to heart as I’m prone to negative self-talk. I say things to myself that I would never say to a friend and I judge myself for things that I would never judge a friend for. The idea behind this philosophy is to show ourselves the grace we would show others, to forgive ourselves more freely.
While I definitely needed to work on forgiving myself and not dwelling on my mistakes, I’ve also noticed that I can err on the side of being too “good” to myself. I need to forgive myself, but I also need to hold myself accountable. I need to motivate myself to improve, sometimes through tactics that may not be seen as nice. When I have made a mistake, I need to own it. When I need to get out of bed instead of hitting that snooze button, sometimes I need a little pep talk that, to an outsider, would sound harsh.
The primary way in which I am my own worst enemy is that I’m never competing with anyone else in my life. Everyday, I’m competing with the me of yesterday, trying to make the me of today better than him. No one else out there is my enemy. The flaws within myself are the enemy that I’m contending with. And by doing so, I am in fact being a friend to myself.