It’s often said “that which does not kill me makes me stronger.” That can be very true figuratively, but not so much in the literal sense. That which does not literally kill us, can maim us, paralyze us, or otherwise take away abilities. However, that which does not (figuratively) kill us, can bring great strength.
There are many things that we think will (figuratively) kill us. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the dissolution of a marriage. None of those things can literally kill us but we believe that they will mean the end of life as we know it. In a way, that is true. Life is not necessarily the same after certain events.
I’ve been through divorce. The very notion of losing my marriage made me think that if it ever happened I would lose my identity, my sense of purpose in life, my drive to go on. The truth is, I did struggle with some of those things for a bit. But in time I found that my identity was not solely based on being a husband, my purpose in life as a father did not end when I began coparenting in a shared custody situation, and my drive to go on did not cease. I had to face some of my own faults and deficiencies. I had to look inside myself and decide that I was going to work on becoming better. Things were difficult, for sure. But I find now that my sense of identity is more defined, I’ve become a better father as I’ve taken on more responsibility, and I’m stronger than I was before.
When my dad passed away in 2017, I was scared. I was 37 years old and still not sure that I could do life as an adult. The pain I felt seemed like it would not end. But in reality, I’ve had to learn to stand on my own two feet as a man, I’ve gained a better relationship with my own kids, and the pain that is still there helps me rather than harming me. I had to face my fear. I had to climb out of the pit of despair. Because I was brought so low and had to climb back up, I am stronger.
When things seem like they are ending, sometimes it’s only the beginning of something else. Don’t accept defeat when adversity comes your way. Use it to become stronger and better.